When times get rough...

Although I love to write about how great success feels in the classroom, some weeks do not run as smoothly as I would like.  Yes, I enjoy teaching.  Yes, I am certain this is what I am best at.  Yes, I am up for the challenge.  YES, this week sucked.

 A large element of being an effective teacher is being able to reflect on the happenings of the classroom.  It is really easy to get wrapped up in my expectations of students, get frustrated when they are not performing the way I expected them too, and in turn, feel unfit for the insurmountable challenge.  This leads me to one of the worst feelings that an urban educator can go through: weakness.

Although I have wonderful colleagues that can give me pep talks and cheer me up, the real inspiration lies in reflecting on the individuals in my classroom.  All I need to do is think for a minute about the circumstances of one child, and the flame can be reignited.

*Dillon is one of my hyperactive students.  He has light skin, curly brown hair, and a mischievous smile.  Dillon can be charming, quick-witted, and intellectual when he wants to be.  Other times, he can be stubborn, obnoxious, and destructive.

On the days where I have managed to get to the lowest of lows, thinking of Dillon is all I need to keep holding on.  He symbolizes everything I work towards.  I think back to the conversation I had with him this week about his homework: "Ms. Roush, I did my homework last night!  ...But I didn't get my color chart signed.  My stepdad said he'd help me with my homework--but he left the house to do something.  I waited for him, but he didn't come back."

The whole while that Dillon is talking to me, he has the biggest smile on his face because he actually remembered to do his homework.

Dillon's mom is in the military--left for Iraq in January.
The plumbing in his home does not work.
Dillon's only clothes are his school uniform and his pajamas.

When Dillon, or any of my students are giving me a hard time, it is easy to see everything at surface level.  What keeps me sane is pushing myself to look deeper.  My job is Dillon.  He needs me to show up every day.  What I've come to realize though, is that I need him just as much as he needs me.


***Name has been changed for privacy.

Am I Black?

It has been brought to my attention several times that a child's sense of color seems to fade as relationships are built.

On my first day last year, I was insulted almost as instantly as my students set eyes on me.  Shayla turned to me and said, "What happened to your hair?!" with a snarl on her face. She was testing me to see if she could hurt my feelings.

Without any emotion, I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I will respect you every single day, Shayla, and I expect the exact same from you."  That is all it took with her.  She became my right-hand woman in the classroom--knew how to run the place better than I did by the end of the year.

In my opinion, that interaction would have been completely different if I was a black woman.  (That's not to say it couldn't be interpreted  differently by others.)

I had to earn it with each and every one of my students.  I don't demand respect, I work for it.  I start watching the same cartoons as they do. I give them hugs when they are angry. I make them redo their work when they know it isn't their best. I treat them as human beings. I tell them I love them.

Towards the end of the year, I was listening to a conversation amongst a few of my kiddos.  One was saying to the other,

"Ms. Roush is not white. She can't be."

"Well she's not black."

"Yeah, she's half black."

This is when I interrupted saying, 

"I'm half black?"

"Yeah, you're half black."

"So you think one of my parents is white one is black?"

"No."

"Oh."

As our bonds grew stronger,  perceptions of color faded.  

Below is a picture Donald drew of me--prior to our conversation about skin color.

*Names have been changed.

Unpredictable Environment

The beginning of this school year was very difficult for me.  It was my first actual beginning of a school year and I started off with 11 more kids than I'd had the year before.  I've learned to love teaching first grade.  That being said, teaching first grade at the beginning of the school year is more like teaching an extension of kindergarten.

I spent the first few weeks of school in literal shock at all the changes.  I had a wild bunch of kiddies at the time, and I was still trying to figure out the best way to begin the year.  I cried many days after school.  I felt like I was trying everything I possibly could and I had real doubts as to whether or not I'd be able to get through to the little buggers.

Just when I was about to throw in the towel, I was called for Jury Duty.  I thought, Hell, a couple days to sit in a quiet room?  Sounded like a vacation to me.

Well, by the time I had graded all my papers, sitting in that quiet room lost its sparkle.  I was bored out of my mind.  I thought being called into a courtroom would be exciting--and it was, until the stuffy judge went over all the rules.

I shifted in my chair, wondering when I'd be able to go to recess.  Literally.

My point is, that having Jury Duty was a blessing for me.  I thought it would be an escape from my reality when in actuality, it was a sign that I was in the right profession.

I work in an unpredictable environment. Teachers know. Parents know.  You can never pinpoint exactly when a child is going to shoot milk out of his nose.  When the fire alarm is going to send everyone out of the building.  When the toilet is going to overflow on a bathroom break.  When a scholar is going to fart in the middle of a lesson--sending everyone (EVERYONE) into roaring laughter.  Sitting in that courtroom, breathing in the stuffy air, I missed my untamed first grade friends.

The lesson for me is, I want to be a teacher, not a judge, juror, defense lawyer, or anyone present in a courtroom...ever.  

Choosing a School

"Choosing" a teaching position can be a monumental task.  It's making a life change.  It's committing to a cause. It's deciding to be a part of a legacy.  I saying "choosing" a school is difficult because choice might not even seem like part of the equation.  For me, there was no choice my first year.

I heard about the development of my school when it was just in the making--years before it actually existed.  I believed in what it promised for students and I could relate to the urgency behind the cause.

I am a persistent individual, and once my mind gets set on something, I work to make it a reality.  That was the case with NP.  I finally secured a position in December of 2012 and I dropped everything to make teaching 1st grade fit into my life.

Round 4, Part 2: Oakland, CA

Our team is almost through with our second half of Round 4. We've been working with Reading Partners, an organization that takes the teacher's work out of planning for and tutoring students in reading. They've designed an amazing system to organize successful reading materials in a fashion that allows tutors to come in, grab their folders, and follow step by step instructions to tutor their student in reading. It's great! And it's working!

Our team has been actually putting together these materials ever since we've arrived in Oakland in early June. We've also been lucky enough to be paired with our own students for tutoring. It is great to actually see the materials we are putting together in action in the classroom.

It's been great being in the Bay Area for our final round. Reading Partners has set us up in an amazing townhouse located right on the Bay. Our front yard is the marina, so when we look out our bedroom windows, all we see are the boats at the docks. It's lovely.

The sun setting on the Bay has been a great motivator for me to go running! I love being able to run along the water and look out and see the Bay Bridge and San Francisco in the distance.

Our Team also got the chance to do an Independent Service Project (ISP) at Alcatraz last weekend. We washed hundreds of windows and got a private tour from park ranger, John Cantwell. He's been working at Alcatraz since he was 14 years old, and he is now 53!!! He gave us a detailed, VIP, 4 hour tour of the place. The same tour that is not offered to the public, but is offered to a small pool of people who win a lottery to pay $2,000 to volunteer and sleep over night in a cell. The same tour that John gave the Obama daughters last month.

It was interesting to actually get locked in cells that were much larger and more private than any rooms we've lived in since AmeriCorps! We laughed that maybe prison wouldn't be that bad! Like Jackie said while watching Double Jeopardy in Washington, "This doesn't look that bad! You get to wear jeans, and have your own job...."

John also let us climb to the top of the lighthouse, and then climb out the top and hang on the tip in the wind! It was extremely high up and pretty frightening because it was so windy!

We've also been going into San Francisco every weekend. It's a 40 minute walk to the Bart train station, and then about an hour ride into the city. It's exciting to have the city at our fingertips, and we have been taking full advantage! We even got to experience Pride Fest which was a blast!

Only about 2 weeks left in the program, and we are going out with a bang!

Round 4, Part 1: North Bend, WA

Blue 7 has been blessed with a variety of different projects over the course of 10 months. For our fourth and final round in the program, we've been given a split-round project, meaning that we will be spending the first 3 weeks in North Bend, and then we will be traveling down through Sacramento and to Oakland, CA.

With one week down, on our three week project, Blue 7 has been busy.

We began our travels to North Bend, WA on May 20th. We spent the night in a hotel, with Wifi and TV (!) and had our first Chinese food meal together...We all felt the heavy meal for days.

After two days of travel, we began our first work day on Tuesday May 22nd. We had a short orientation and tour of key places in the city, but Mountains to Sound was really quick to put us to work. With only three weeks to have the team, I'm sure they were eager for us to get some things done. We started work with pulling blackberry at the trail head of the Little Mount Si Trail. It was two days of pulling blackberry in the pouring rain. It rained from Monday through Wednesday pretty much nonstop. AmeriCorps sets us up with rain gear, but the problem was keeping our hands warm and dry enough to work.

We were lucky to have dry weather on both Thursday and Friday! We spent two days cutting back the brush on trails so hikers wouldn't get slapped with plants while hiking through the woods. We were able to hike the Little Mount Si Trail as well as the Tiger Mountain Trail while brushing the path. Both were absolutely beautiful and provided us with endless amounts of visual stimulation while we worked. It felt great to think about how much work we completed while conquering the trails each day. The sore feet, calves, and upper backs were only symbols of our dedication to completing the trails.

I've been really proud of Blue 7 since we left Sacramento. It seems like we've finally gotten the hang of functioning as a family inside and outside of work. It is obvious that we care about each other whether it's Anna cooking personal quesadillas for the whole team, Heather coming around with coffee refills for all the half empty mugs, Jackie carrying Andrew's bags while he helps Anna down the mountain, Lisabeth heading to the grocery store so we can all get our ice cream fix, Julie sitting down and going through Math with Anna, or Tommy cooking out for us on the back porch. 

We take care of each other.

Round 3: Camping!

Our team is working with Tree People this round, primarily caring for trees and leading groups of volunteers. An average work day involves either walking to our work site in Malibu Creek State Park where we are camping, or driving to the Tree People Head Quarters in Beverly Hills. There we either work on our own tree care projects, or we lead groups of volunteers to complete the same type of work.

This round, the challenge is not in the work but rather our living situation. Some of our current challenges are as follows:

• Rather than sleeping in beds we have sleeping bags on the ground. Not that bad until it rains and the ground gets wet and the bags are cold and smelly. Also, our backs are pretty tight and knotted up from all this ground sleeping.
• Fear of bugs! Sleeping with ear plugs in every night can cut this fear down a little bit, but it is still not my favorite.

• Partying Campers! Every day we have new neighbors and often times the park is completely full on the weekends. We work on the weekends and people are usually up partying through the wee hours of the morning.
• Partying Campers! They make our bathrooms pretty disgusting. When you have to share your bathrooms with people who are only there for a night or two, they tend to demolish the accommodations. There is rarely toilet paper, the seats have been carved with messages, the ground is usually covered in mud, and once in a while there while be puke splattered everywhere. It's sick.
• Rain! It has only really rained a few times, but when it does, all of our things get wet. We have to spend the next day removing everything from our tents and laying it out to dry.

Something I posted to the AmeriCorps NCCC Pacific Region Facebook page:

‎AmeriCorps Blue Seven has been completely rained out of their campsite twice now. Tree People was kind enough to let us stay in one of their yurts in Beverly Hills the last time, but when we came back to our site, we found Heather's tent on the picnic table, and Julie Ann Nicholson and Anna's tent at the bathrooms! 


Although it is laughable in retrospect, it can be really hard to see the littlepossessions you have completely soaked and ruined. Blue 7 has been lucky that the majority of our things have just needed drying, but we did take a moment to reflect on how we felt at the time, and how much greater the hurt and devastation must be for hurricane victims.

AmeriCorps NCCC forces people to downsize their possessions to fit in a single red bag. It is difficult to leave behind items that may have previously been the one thing you could turn to for comfort. Much like other teams, Blue 7 has adapted to the camping lifestyle. However, when you finally start to feel comfortable in the wilderness, and then you return to everything you own soaking wet and moldy, there is a certain level of panic and hurt.

Tommy Clifford brought light to the fact that we could relate our team's distraught to natural disaster victims.

"If this affects our team this much, it really makes you think about how people must have felt after Hurricane Katrina. This is only some of the stuff we own, just imagine what it would feel like to have this happen to your entire home." --Tommy Clifford

Although our situation is very minor in comparison, it helped us to feel a small fraction of what hurricane victims might have felt after Katrina or Ike.